Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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