9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
