I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
