You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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