You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
