this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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