Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
