i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
