toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
