I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
