Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize