tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
