literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
