What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
