Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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