Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
