The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
