Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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