I think my fart just growled at me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
