Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
