hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
