I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
God, I missed his penis.
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