i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize