I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
