My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
