I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize