Kiss
Puke
kristin has been a bad kristin
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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