Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
