and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
