This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
