we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Success! We fucked roommates!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
