I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
