My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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