is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
