And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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