I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
