They should really pass out barf bags in church
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
