Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
