I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
