this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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