You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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