Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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