Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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