just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize