My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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