i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
