someone owes me an orgasm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
