if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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