11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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