Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
