Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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