Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
