I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
