Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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