vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
