you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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