cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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