I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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