Betty ford says i'm here all night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
