So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
