Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize