i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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