I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
