Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
