I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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