Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think i got beer on your cat.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
