Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
