After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
