wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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