Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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