it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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