can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
